…since I last wrote something. Our son, Sohail, was born, I had several jobs and currently looking for a new one. In a world that dictates us to work and work, so we can make more money to buy the things we want, including security, I am struggling. All I want is to spend time with my wife and kids. She is my heart and they are my blood and if either of them disappear, I will die. I am struggling because I feel I am being pushed into wanting materialistic crap, unrealistic security, and shit that does not matter. When I know in my heart that spending time with those 3 people is what I crave the most, constantly. But I have to keep going, deflect all the shit that comes down on me and stay focused on whats important.
But whats important is not always the same thing and not always so visible. Its important that we have a safe home, but is it important that we own it or rent it? Recently we have been trying to get our finances together to start looking at houses. It seemed like we could do it, then my job became unstable and now I will be out of work in 2 weeks. But my wife is still looking at homes. I feel like a failure sometimes. My job ending has taken us out of the market, we may have to tap into the savings we were going to use for a down-payment, and will end up even more behind. And on and on and on it goes with stressful thought after stressful thought, that sometimes my heart physically hurts and I think I may have a heart attack and die from stress.
But then I stop my self, start crawling of the dark hole and see my family at the edge giving me a hand and helping me back on my feet and its a beautiful day! We have each other, we have a warm house, we have good food and family and friends and we dance, sing, play music, go to the park, go bike riding, have picnics, put on plays in the living room, chase each other, go swimming and do so much more wonderful things.
Who cares if I do not have an ideal job, or that I have to find another one, who cares if we own our own house and…who cares. Just give me some love from mommy, Soraya and Sohail and I am the richest man in the world!